dharmabumgrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a letter Dear Mom and Dad, or Mom, since you screen every communication that enters the house.
I, being 33,, do you remember what its like to be 33?.. I have a 15 year old boy.. he resembles me in so many ways,… and I don’t have 100% say over him.. but that’s ok.. he and I have an understanding.. and it long outweighs any bonds of friendship I’ve have ever had.. He has been given a better life and I almost fucked that up.. with my sense of abandonment I left my only child behind … because I considered myself “not good enough to be his mother because of where I came from and what I had endured, it made me less of a person and perhaps it might rub off on him and god forbid that EVER happen…. ` It was the hardest two years of my life.. but I felt like I was not worthy.. I was a terrible parent and an awful person and just plain worthless.. I was recently blessed with the opportunity to make things right, THANK GOD!.. And god forbid I live my whole live thinking I never made things right with my only child… I am lucky he is back in my life and we are once again.. not mother and son… but best friends.. I am lucky that I was brave enough to act so soon and to not have lost this relationship. So today even though Cory is the only family member who is in my life, I consider myself a very, very lucky person, a lucky mother, a lucky woman.. and if I had to do it all again… I would not change a single thing….
10:32 p.m. - June 11, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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