dharmabumgrl's Diaryland Diary
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a letter
Dear Mom and Dad, or Mom, since you screen every communication that enters the house.
Please find the signed checks that I have included in this correspondence they are to repay the $1000 you so graciously lent me in my time of need.
I really can’t convey how much I appreciated that… unfortunately it took me longer to pay back because for some odd reason… money matters are not my strongest point.
I’m sure your wondering why I’m so angry these days…I used to wonder that myself…. No… I used to obsess about that because I had NO idea.. I had these feelings and no way to explain them… Anyway.. I’ve faced so much in my 33 years.. and I’m still standing, walking tall and doing my best to figure out how to have a better life and give my son a better life…. I’m fortunate… I am the type who, while still holding anger can pull through and get to the other side..
I, being 33,, do you remember what its like to be 33?.. I have a 15 year old boy.. he resembles me in so many ways,… and I don’t have 100% say over him.. but that’s ok.. he and I have an understanding.. and it long outweighs any bonds of friendship I’ve have ever had..
See Cory and I understand each other… Because, I as a parent did not molest him and, I as a parent did not consider him competition for his parent with whom I was wed. …
He has been given a better life and I almost fucked that up.. with my sense of abandonment I left my only child behind … because I considered myself “not good enough to be his mother because of where I came from and what I had endured, it made me less of a person and perhaps it might rub off on him and god forbid that EVER happen…. ` It was the hardest two years of my life.. but I felt like I was not worthy.. I was a terrible parent and an awful person and just plain worthless..
I was recently blessed with the opportunity to make things right, THANK GOD!.. And god forbid I live my whole live thinking I never made things right with my only child… I am lucky he is back in my life and we are once again.. not mother and son… but best friends.. I am lucky that I was brave enough to act so soon and to not have lost this relationship.
So today even though Cory is the only family member who is in my life, I consider myself a very, very lucky person, a lucky mother, a lucky woman.. and if I had to do it all again… I would not change a single thing….
Please watch the enclosed DVD it is not mean, or hurtful, it is only to help everyone understand.
Tawnya
10:32 p.m. - June 11, 2006
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